So often, the focus is on giving love and showing up for other people. But what about showing up for yourself? Relationships change, friendships come and go, and family dynamics can evolve. The one constant throughout your life is you. So why is the relationship we have with ourselves often the one we neglect the most?

Often, it is because we do not respect ourselves as much as we respect others. We can be incredibly compassionate towards the people around us while being our own harshest critics. To change this, we need to shift the way we view our self worth and start treating ourselves with the same respect, patience and compassion that we offer to others.

This can feel awkward and unfamiliar at first. However, learning to love and accept yourself is an important part of becoming the person you want to be. Here are some ways to start showing up as your own biggest fan.

Get to the Root of Your Insecurities

First, take some time to reflect on what exactly makes you feel insecure about yourself. This can be uncomfortable, but understanding our thoughts and behaviours is an important part of changing them.

When you identify something you do not particularly like about yourself, dig deeper and ask yourself why.

Sometimes, the answer may simply be, “I do not know, I just do not like it.” If you cannot identify a reason, consider whether this insecurity has come from someone else or from society. Think back to yourself as a child. Did you care about this particular feature or characteristic then? Probably not. You were likely too busy playing, exploring and enjoying yourself to notice.

If you can identify a genuine reason for disliking something about yourself, ask yourself whether it is something you can change and, more importantly, whether you actually need to.

This reflective work is vital if you want to move forward. Self love has to be unconditional, which means embracing the good, the bad and everything in between. The goal is to become so aware of who you are that, even if there are things you would like to change, you can still accept and love yourself as you are.

Change the Way You Speak to Yourself

Once you begin to understand your self perception, you can start working on changing it.

Negative self talk is something many people experience, but the voice in your head does not have to constantly criticise you. With practice, it is possible to develop a kinder and more supportive inner voice.

Here are three mindset shifts to try.

1. Act Like Your Own Parent

Whenever you catch yourself criticising, internally or to other people, pause and ask yourself: would you speak to a child in this way?

If the answer is no, give yourself the same care and protection you would give to a child. Be your own proud parent. Celebrate your achievements, compliment yourself and learn to forgive your mistakes.

There is a younger version of you within you who deserves kindness, patience and encouragement. Do not forget to look after her.

2. Name Your Negative Voice

This might feel a little unusual at first, but giving your negative inner voice a name can help you separate it from who you really are.

For example, imagine your inner pessimist is called Julie. Whenever Julie starts criticising you or sharing her unwanted opinions, remind yourself that Julie does not represent all of you.

She is simply one voice within your mind. There is so much more to you than your negative thoughts.

Creating distance from this voice can make it easier to recognise that your thoughts are not facts. You do not have to give your inner critic authority over your thoughts, feelings or decisions.

3. Try Mirror Work

Looking at yourself in the mirror is often associated with checking whether you look okay before leaving the house. Instead, try using your reflection as an opportunity to practise self acceptance.

Take a moment to really look at yourself. Notice the features that make you unique. Find something you appreciate about your appearance and remind yourself of it.

This may feel uncomfortable at first, but the more you practise, the more natural it can become. Learning to focus on what you appreciate rather than constantly searching for flaws can gradually change the way you see yourself.

Create Tools That Support Your Self Worth

Changing your inner voice can take time, and having external tools to support you can make the process easier.

1. Keep a Proud File

Create a physical or digital space where you can collect your achievements, compliments and moments that make you proud.

It could be as simple as a note on your phone that says, “I achieved a new personal best at the gym today.”

These reminders can be incredibly valuable on days when your confidence is low. Looking back at your achievements can remind you of how capable and resilient you are.

2. Explore Shadow Work

Shadow work involves reflecting on the parts of ourselves that we may find difficult, uncomfortable or challenging to acknowledge.

This type of journaling can bring up difficult emotions, so approach it gently and give yourself plenty of space to process what comes up.

The aim is not to judge yourself. It is to understand yourself. Reflecting on why you think, behave and respond in certain ways can help you identify patterns and decide what you want to change.

There are plenty of shadow work prompts available online, or you can use journaling questions to guide your reflection.

3. Challenge Your Beauty Standards

The beauty standards placed on women can feel impossible to keep up with. We are constantly exposed to images of what we are supposedly meant to look like, often without considering how unrealistic or heavily edited those images may be.

Remember that you are not supposed to look like everyone else. Your individuality is part of what makes you beautiful.

If you look for inspiration online, consider following women who have similar features, experiences, interests or career goals. Seeing people who feel relatable can make it easier to appreciate your own individuality rather than constantly comparing yourself to an unrealistic ideal.

4. Connect With Your Younger Self

Look at photographs of your younger self and take time to think about who she was.

What did she love? What made her excited? What did she dream about? What would she admire about the person you are today?

It can be easy to become disconnected from the younger version of yourself as you grow older. Try not to lose that sense of curiosity, innocence and individuality.

When you feel tempted to doubt yourself, think about how your younger self might see you. Remember how much you have experienced, learned and overcome.

5. Disconnect From Social Media

Social media can have a significant impact on the way we perceive ourselves.

If you know that certain accounts consistently make you feel inadequate, insecure or unhappy, give yourself permission to unfollow them. Protecting your self worth is more important than keeping up with someone's content.

Social media is a highlight reel, not a complete representation of real life. Spending less time consuming content that negatively affects your self perception can create more space for you to appreciate your own life.

Make Yourself a Priority

Learning to love yourself is not something that happens overnight. It is a process that requires patience, awareness and consistency.

Some of these practices may feel uncomfortable at first, and that is completely normal. When you have spent years criticising yourself, speaking kindly to yourself can feel unfamiliar.

But you deserve the same love, patience and acceptance that you so freely give to other people.

Make yourself a priority. Celebrate who you are, recognise how far you have come and remember that your worth is not dependent on how you look, what you achieve or what other people think of you.

You are worthy of love and acceptance, including your own. 🥰